Bad Coffee Part Twelve

    The plane is luxurious, super comfy and perfect. I had been able to get us both a week off at the same time without telling Lisa too much about my plans. I didn’t want to ruin the entire surprise before I had even purchased the tickets.

    “I can’t believe we are on our way to Paris!” Lisa squeals as she gets comfortable in her seat. I had made sure that she got a window seat when I purchased the tickets. Lisa had her passport already from traveling to somewhere in Mexico with some friends but she had never been on a long flight like this to Europe. She cozied up to the side of the plane and pressed her whole face up against the window, like an over-excited child.

    “I wouldn’t be too excited yet, it’s a long flight,” I said as I put both of our bags in the overhead compartment.

    “How could that be a bad thing?”

    “There are only so many places you can go on a flying metal tube,” I teased her. I wasn’t afraid of flying, not at all. But after about three hours, I start to get restless.

    “I think this is wonderful. And these seats!” Lisa squeals, making me laugh. I sat down next to Lisa in my own big comfy seat.

    “We’ll see if you still think that after such a long flight.”

    “Quit being such a Debbie Downer!” Lisa admonished me, making me smile. I wiggled in my seat, trying to get comfortable and opened up the book that I had brought with me. Lisa hadn’t brought a book along with us to read but she did bring her phone with some no-Wi-Fi-needed games and a magazine. Before the pilot announced that we had to turn our cell phones onto airplane mode, Lisa took a couple of pictures of us together. We leaned toward each other and put our heads together with big smiles on our faces. She posted it on Instagram with a long winded description of how happy she was to be going on vacation with me. I kissed her forehead and went back to my reading.

    Hours later, we left the flying metal tube to an overcrowded airport. Lisa put on her big sunglasses and dragged her suitcase on wheels behind her as she followed me out to find a taxi. I’m not sure that Lisa isn’t just as much as a Debbie Downer about long flights as I am now, but she won’t dare admit it to me.

    Our driver takes us straight to the Shangri-La Hotel and it doesn’t take us long to get checked in. Of course, I reserved one of the biggest suites in the hotel with all the amenities. There is no reason to not go all out for a vacation to Paris!

    “Oh my God, Elijah! This is amazing!” Lisa says as she walks through the hotel room. We have a full kitchen and a little dining area, a little sitting area with a fireplace, and a spa sized bathroom with a jetted tub. The staff had left a wonderful welcome package for us consisting of fresh fruit, expensive champagne, and delicious macaroons. The bedroom is separated from the rest of the room by heavy, ornate, white double doors. Lisa and I bring our suitcases into the bedroom and set them on the dressers. The four poster bed looks more like a king and a half than just a king. There is beautiful sheer, white draping fabric hanging from above the bed, making it look like a bed from a fairytale. The bed has a white, fluffy comforter and at least a dozen wonderful throw pillows. Lisa plopped down on the bed, sliding her shoes off and laying back, she stretched out completely and there was still room. “I can’t even believe this,” she said, moving her outstretched arms up and down as if she was making a snow angel.

    “I need a bed like that at my house,” I said. I smile and walk over to the very large windows. They aren’t just large windows but huge glass doors leading out to our own private terrace. I am immediately overcome with the beauty of the view from our balcony. “Lisa, come here!” It’s a spacious balcony with a small wrought iron table to match the railing and two chairs. We can see the Eiffel Tower to the right. It is so close to our terrace that it dwarfs everything else around it.

    After Lisa and I snap at least a dozen photos of us together in front of the Eiffel Tower, Lisa walks back into our room. As she started moving throw pillows off of the bed, she tossed a couple of them at me. “You gonna join me for a nap?”

    “What’s wrong?” I asked, teasingly. “Long plane ride too much for ya there?”

    “I didn’t say that!” she said and then chucked a pillow at me with force, making me laugh. “I just really like this bed,” she said under her breath.

    “Oh, okay. Well that’s good cuz we gotta sleep in it for a week,” I said, winking at her. Surprisingly, Lisa didn’t undress for our nap. She has used ‘take a nap’ as code before. As we curled up in between the perfect sheets, the bed enveloped us in comfort. I wrapped my arms around Lisa’s middle and pulled her across the huge bed and into me. I held her tight and tucked my face into her neck. It comforted me to listen to her breathing change as she started to fall asleep in my arms. It wasn’t long before I was fast asleep right next to her.

    A few hours later, my growling stomach woke me. Lisa was still sleeping, but she had rolled away from me. I get up quietly, trying not to disturb her, I need food. I call down to the concierge to find out what I could do about getting some food sent to our room. I really don’t want to wake up Lisa just to drag her around the city after our long plane ride. I picked several things from the 24/7 room service menu, and then quickly showered. Room service arrives beautifully presented. I could tell that setting up beautiful dinners was not a new job for this gentleman. He lit candles, set out our plates, silverware, glasses, and napkins. It is beyond absolutely gorgeous; everything smelled delicious.

    “Hey, sleepy head,” I whisper into Lisa’s ear as I sit next to where she lay in the bed. As her eyes start to flutter, I start moving the little wisps of hair from her face. “You gonna sleep all day?” I ask, Lisa smiles.

    “I just might,” she says as she stretches out across the bed.

    “Are you hungry?”

    “Most definitely,” Lisa says and then yawns. “What do you want to do for dinner?”

    “I already have that handled. Why don’t you wake up and get ready, nothing fancy, and meet me out on the balcony?”

    “Oh?” Lisa asks, eyeing me suspiciously. Now she was fully awake.

    “Yep. Come on,” I say and swat her butt before I stand up to head outside. I watch Lisa get out of bed from where I stand, leaned up against the balcony. Lisa striped her pants and shirt off and dropped them on the floor as she walked to the bathroom. It was the simplest, sexiest thing and makes me smile watching her. I poured both of us some wine, double checked that everything was beautiful and ready for when Lisa comes out. As I am fidgeting at things and pacing the balcony, the Eiffel Tower blinks on. I am absolutely stunned by it’s beautiful brilliance. “Lisa!!” I yell toward the bathroom where Lisa is still getting ready.

    “Yeah?” Lisa asks as she steps out of the bathroom. She is still only in her bra and panties and she is tossing her long hair with her fingertips as she walks toward me. “What’s up, babe?”

    “Come here,” I wave for her with urgency. She saunters to me without stopping to get dressed first. As we walk together out onto the balcony, Lisa’s hands freeze in her hair. After a second, Lisa straightens up and drops her hands to her sides.

    “Oh…” she says in awe.

    “Isn’t it amazing?”

    “It’s beyond amazing,” Lisa whispers. Lisa turns around to see the table that I have ready for our dinner. Then all of a sudden, she realizes that she is standing outside, on a balcony, in just her panties and bra. In Paris no less! Embarrassment isn’t really what happens when it dawns on her. Instead what happens is she looks down at her almost nude body, and laughs hysterically. Her loud, beautiful laugh makes me laugh.

    “I’m not complaining!” I answer her unasked question.

    “I’ll be right back out,” Lisa says and kisses me on the cheek. I sit down at the table to wait for Lisa, for only a couple of minutes. Lisa walks back out onto the terrace in a beautiful sun dress, with her hair up in a simple ponytail. I stand and walk over to Lisa.

    “You look absolutely beautiful.” I kiss Lisa’s cheek and place my hand on the small of her back.

    “Thank you,” she said. I pulled out Lisa’s chair for her and then kissed the top of her head. I pulled the silver domes off of the platters in the center of the table. “Oh yum! That smells amazing, Elijah!”

    “It does, doesn’t it? I just had them send a little bit of all the best.”

    “That was a great plan,” Lisa says as I take my own seat.

    “Dig in.” Dinner was absolutely amazing. I couldn’t think of anything that I would rather being doing right now instead of being here with Lisa, having dinner and watching the Eiffel Tower light up the night sky.

    The first night in Paris was a beautiful, relaxing, night. We lounged in our oversized bed, cuddled up together, watching TV. We called for room service once more throughout the night so that Lisa and I could share dessert together. She fed me and I fed her while in bed. Lisa took several pictures of us laughing, cuddled up, and feeding each other and posted them on her Instagram. We had a wonderful night and ended up falling asleep in each other’s arms, while still watching whatever show was on the TV.

Bad Coffee Part Eleven

    I am so intrigued and instantly excited. She's basically skipping down the trail, looking left and right for a spot hidden enough that we don't have to worry about being interrupted. Around another bend, Lisa stops, drops my hand and then ducks into a tiny little cave in the rock. As I follow Lisa, I have to wait for my eyes to adjust to the loss of light. Once we were inside, there was plenty of room to stand up. Lisa grabbed me and pushed me up against the side of the cave. 

    "This will do just fine," I said before grabbing Lisa and kissing her deeply. I held her face between my hands and swirled my tongue around hers. She bit my bottom lip and slid her hands down the front of my shorts. I dropped my right hand and slid it into the front of her leggings. I found her clit and began swirling my finger around it, making her moan while I kissed her. I could hardly see anything inside of our little cave but it only heightened my other senses. I could hear both of our ragged breathing, I could feel Lisa squirming, her clit swelling; she was so wet. 

  

    "Don't be too loud now," she whispered and then she dropped to her knees in front of me and pulled my shorts down around my ankles. I leaned my head back against the rock as she took all of me into her mouth. She slowly ran her tongue up the length of me and then sucked on me hard; making me moan. "Shh," Lisa giggled. 

    "I can't help it," I whispered. Then I grabbed ahold of her ponytail and held her head in place as I thrust myself in and out of her mouth. Lisa grabbed ahold of my ass and dug her fingernails into me, which only made me crazier. I'd be willing to be that she was sucking on me so hard that I would have bruises. "Fuck," I whispered. I don't know how long I am going to be able to tolerate this. Lisa started moaning and it drove me even crazier. My body was bursting with tension. When Lisa slowed down her motions, I though she was going to stop, but then she sped up and wouldn't stop; she latched onto me. "Lisa," I pleaded. "I'm gonna cum." She moaned and I lost all control. I poured everything I had into Lisa's mouth while I bit down on one of my fists, trying to keep quiet. Lisa released me and I pulled up my shorts with her as she stood. 

    "Let's get out of here," Lisa whispered. I followed her back out of the cave, to the trail where the sunlight burned my eyes. I double checked our appearances while Lisa looked around for other park visitors. After we saw that we were still alone, we giggled together and then Lisa kissed me passionately, before we headed to our cars. 

    "I'm gonna head home and see if my new roommate needs any help getting her stuff put away," Lisa said and kissed me. 

    "Have fun," I said as I closed her car door for her. I waved her off and headed over to my car. I have never done anything like that before. I've been saying that a lot since I started dating Lisa, I noticed. I laughed to myself, ran my fingers through my hair, and then headed home. 

    

    After I showered at home, I started looking up some vacation options online. The thought of taking Lisa on a little vacation crossed my mine while I was in the shower and I don't think she would mind taking a break with me. I didn't want to get her hopes up yet but I was already a little bit excited at the idea. I had to figure out if I had the time for a vacation and if Lisa could swing time away from work anytime soon. I don't know where she has or hasn't been. I don't know if I want to pick somewhere in the country or somewhere else. 

Bad Coffee Part Ten

    As I bring the last box up to Lisa's apartment, I see her helping her new roommate unpack. Lisa had decided to get a roommate to ease some of the burden of her bills. It didn't take her long to find someone that seemed to be perfect for her. They seemed to hit it off as fast friends almost immediately. 

   

    "Last one," I announce to the girls in the kitchen.

    "Thank you so much," Stacey says as she comes over to grab the box from me.

    "Not a problem at all," I say. "Do you guys need anything else before I head out?"

    "Where ya off to, babe?" Lisa asked as she sauntered over to me.

    "I was thinking about heading out to do some walking on some of the trails today."

    "Oh that sounds like so much fun!" Stacey says.

    "Well, I don't mind company," I say. "Do you guys want to join me?"

    "I'll go change," Lisa says.

    "How about you just meet me there? I'd like to change too."

    "Okay," Lisa says. "Stace? You gonna come with?"

    "Maybe next time. I wanna get all this stuff put away," she says as she gestures to the mountain of stacked boxes. 

    "Next time, then," I said, kissed Lisa and headed for home.

    I pulled my car into an empty parking spot and turned off my car. I hadn't seen Lisa's car here yet so I grabbed my phone to text her. We had had several dates thus far and everything was going swimmingly. I absolutely adored spending time with Lisa. That's without even considering the wild, adventurous sex life we have between the two of us. I'm still amazed and shocked when I think about the fact that Lisa and I have both been with other people during our relationship. I'm not going out of my way to go after other women or anything like that but the fact that it happened...I don't know; I laugh to myself. I also happen to think that Stacey is attractive too. Lisa has opened up so much in me and I find myself wondering what it would be like to...no, never mind. 

    I get out of my car and stretch, looking around for Lisa's car; I see her pull into the parking lot. As Lisa gets out of her car, I am greeted with a big smile. She looks stunning, as usual, in a pair of floral workout leggings, and a pink tank top.

    "Very nice," I say as she walks up to me and gives me a kiss.

    "You too," she says. I only changed into a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt.

    "Well, shucks, thanks," I say. I lean down and grab my water bottle from my car. "Ready?" Lisa nods. At the beginning of the trail, there are three different color-coded markers to choose from based on what difficulty you are looking for. "We can handle red, right?" I ask Lisa. The more difficult, the better for me, that's what I wanted when I first started thinking about hiking today. Lisa nods and we head toward the red-coded path. Lisa doesn't have a hard time keeping up with me as we go through the path. We climbed up trails, up huge rock faces and back down; out of breath after several minutes but not in a bad way. When we got to the top of the next rock face, Lisa and I paused at the top to take a breather and have some water. 

    

    "This is intense," Lisa said in between sips of water. "How often do you do this?"

    "On hard mode?" I asked and Lisa nodded. "Not all the time, maybe once or twice a month in good weather but just going out on a trail, all the time."

    "You're insane, this is insane," Lisa said, making me laugh.

    "But look at how beautiful it is," I said gesturing to the gorgeous view. "Come here!" Lisa walked over closer to me and smiled when I produced my phone so we could take a selfie together in front of the view. 

    "Me sweating and getting all gross takes away from the view," she said when we sat down for a break. 

    "It does not. Plus, we're both sweaty. Deal with it." Lisa rolls her eyes and takes another drink of her water. 

    "All the time though?" Lisa asks. I nod and laugh. After several minutes, Lisa and I head back to the trail. 

    "So, how were things with Stacey after I left?" I ask.

    "Good. I think it is going to be pretty great."

    "Yeah, you guys seem to get along pretty well."

    "She's hot too huh?" Lisa says, elbowing me jokingly. 

    "That's not what I said."

    "I know. I happen to think that she is."

    "She's not to bad to look at," I agree. I can't believe this is the conversation that is happening right now. I had just been in my car a little bit ago when the rogue thought of possibly having a good time with the both of them came into my head.

    "Either way, I do really like her and I think we will get along just fine," Lisa says. "But I sure as hell wouldn't mind something more than just a roommate," she adds making me chuckle. 

    "That could get messy quick." 

    "Don't clam up on me now, Elijah," Lisa says as she stops on the trail ahead of me and turns around. "Don't you think it could be fun?" I can't stop my brain from coming up with its own versions of what would indeed be fun about that. Lisa wraps her arms around my neck and places her lips on mine. I wrap my arms around her torso and pull her in close to me. As I kiss her, Lisa leans further into my body. The basketball shorts do absolutely nothing to hide my want for Lisa. "Oh, is that for me? Or is that because I suggested it would be fun to play with my roommate?" Lisa asks while grabbing ahold of me, making me moan.

    

    "Definitely you," I say and kiss her more. 

    "We should find somewhere to help you with that."

    "There is nowhere here that I could possibly have you right now." 

    "That just means you aren't looking hard enough," Lisa says and breaks away from me with a smile. "Come on," she says and starts pulling me by my hand down the trail.

Querying is NOT Awesome

    So you've written a book and you can't believe you actually did it. Hell yes!!! You finished a book!! Go you!!

    Now what??

    Editing. Cool. You send off your manuscript and pray to ALL the gods that they don't eff up all your awesomeness. You sit on your hands, hoping they don't return your work with nothing but red streaks through the entire thing. Is your editor going to be as harsh as that asshole English teacher you had back in high school? What happens if your editor just sends you an email saying, "I can't help you, this sucks way too much." I know that these thoughts were some of the many thoughts that crossed my mind after I sent off my own manuscript. It won't happen, I promise. Your editor is on your side!

    After WEEKS of waiting (not so patiently) you've finally got an edited, ready to be sent out to different strangers, book. Are you ready for judgement?? Me either. I have almost zero self esteem. I always worry about what everyone else thinks of me. Why in the hell would I purposely send out something that I created, to strangers, so that they could judge me?? That sounds like a TERRIBLE idea. Here's how that monologue went through my head:

    "Um, here, stranger. I have this massive typed story that I made up all by myself and um it's probably terrible. It is terrible. I don't even know what I'm doing. Sell you the idea? Okay, there's this guy and he's um a great guy but also an idiot. And there's this girl and she's cool, oh but she's like me. I'm not cool, so maybe she's not? Never mind. You're right, this is a terrible idea and no one will EVER like this story. Can you read it, judge it, without hurting me? No? Okay then, maybe I'll just keep it to myself. I wouldn't want to read it either. Why am I doing this? I can't do this. But I want it so much! I'll do it. I'm just gonna do it.......Crap. I shouldn't have hit send."

    Welcome to the fun of querying!! Isn't it exciting!?! No! It's not. It sucks!!! The entire point that I am trying to make here is this:

YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT HATES QUERYING AND IT MAJOR SUCKS FOR US ALL!!!

    No matter what stage you are at, or how many times you've gone through this stage, it still sucks! You have a goal in mind, whether that be just getting your story out, just publishing, just wanting to help people, whatever the reason, querying still sucks! And it takes FOREVER!!! Not only are there guidelines that you have to follow, (they change per agent/publishing house) you have to sell your stuff to them. You have to be able to be confident in your manuscript. Confident enough to make it sound like something they need/want to work with. If you can't, you gotta fake it. If I figure out how to do that confidently, I'll let you know!

    It will be three years this July since I first put that opening sentence for my debut novel onto a piece of paper; in the middle of the night no less. Two years of that was writing, and four months was editing, but I'm still waiting on something other than a rejection. Why is this taking so long?? Doesn't anyone understand that this is important to me???

    So far what I've learned is that if I keep up a total amount of queries out there in the universe, it keeps me from hating it too much when I do get a rejection. To explain better, my number is 20. I have 20 queries out there to 20 different people at a time. If I get a rejection (or five) on Monday, Monday night, I'm sending out more queries to different people to get back up to that amount of 20. It keeps me out there, trying; ahead of the game. Some of those queries take WEEKS to come back with an answer. It's NERVE WRACKING! Waiting and wondering who is going to respond, when, and what they are going to say? Let me say it again. Doesn't ANYONE understand that this is important to me???

    One of the best parts of all of this hard stuff is that 99% of the rejections are nice. That other 1% wasn't not nice, just kind of short. I keep hearing over and over again, "It's subjective, keep trying". So I am, and you should too! It sucks, and it's hard, and it takes WAY too long. I think we'll make it!

    Try to remember that you are not alone! Get on Twitter and join the #writingcommunity. They are amazing! The group is full of authors in so very many different genres, and different stages of their writing careers. The entire group is super supportive! Reach out! That includes to me! I'm here for you and we can definitely work through this together!

    Cheers to making it, one day! Hopefully sooner rather than later! Don't forget you are a badass and you'll make it! Don't stop fighting for your goals!!

Bad Coffee Part Nine

     “So, I went to the bar and found me a hot little blonde,” Lisa whispers sultrily into my ear. I can feel her lips moving, touching my earlobe and the warm breath from her whispers are driving me wild. “I paid for her drink and whispered in her ear like I am whispering into yours now.” Lisa stopped and took a drink from her glass; I did the same. My body was covered in goosebumps solely because of how Lisa was teasing me and talking to me. “I whispered, ‘Do you want to come home with me?” into her ear and I got to see the sexiest flush run up her neck before she answered me,” Lisa said. Just her talking about making a woman blush also made me blush. “It was so sexy. Knowing that I had that kind of power over her without even touching her. Kind of like I have over you now,” Lisa whispered, and she grabbed me firmly, latching onto my rock hard penis through my jeans. She made me throb, right here, out in the open at a bar. She was absolutely right that she had all the power over me before she even laid her hand on me. “So I took her home,” Lisa whispered and loosened her hand. “I brought her to my house and laid her on my bed and I stripped off her clothes. I buried my face in between her legs. She tasted so fucking sweet that it made me wet just from licking her to orgasm.” A moan escaped my lips and Lisa smiled. “You would have loved to watch us together huh?” she asked. “I know you would have. I made her cum so many times and then she made me cum so many times. We spent the night, naked, in each other’s arms.” I felt pre cum drip inside my briefs from her teasing story telling. “Then I had her for breakfast,” Lisa said, completely nonchalantly. She took a step back from me and finished her drink. I was wound up so tight, I was shaking. Lisa and I headed to the bar to order another round of drinks.

    It was shortly thereafter that the band came in a started setting up and started doing some quiet sound checks while the jukebox carried on. As Lisa and I worked on our second round of drinks, she and I meandered back to our little spot back in the back of the bar.

    “So you had a pretty damn good date then?” I asked her flirtingly. Lisa winked at me.

    “Of course I did. I had a blast,” she laughed. “Better than you.” Lisa was being majorly feisty right now and I was loving it.

    “I don’t know about all that,” I said smiling; but I did. There was a pause in all the noise as the jukebox turned off and before the band started up. Lisa swallowed the whole of her drink in one mouthful and then turned her full attention onto me. Lisa attached her beautifully full lips onto my necks and pushed her body into mine. I am immediately aroused; not surprisingly. Lisa has unbelievable power over me. My body does not care that the band is coming up on their makeshift stage, or that the audience is gathering together to watch the band. My body does not care that we are most definitely in public. As this thought runs through my head, I feel my face flush for the second time just tonight alone. “You wanna grab something to snack on before the concert really gets going?” I asked Lisa. She nodded and I ordered us another round of drinks and a plate of potato skins. As we eat our appetizer standing at the bar, Lisa’s hand keeps reaching up and caressing my back. She’s giving me goosebumps all over again. The band gets a song underway and I don’t hate it. I’ve never heard their music before but I find myself enjoying it.

    After I finish my drink and set my glass on the bar, Lisa grabs my hand and pulls me up closer to the front of the bar where the band was preforming. I find us directly in the middle of the large crowd, people are jumping around and bumping into me. Lisa turns around in front of me, still moving to the music, but looking deeply into my eyes. As the band switches to another song, Lisa wraps her arms around my neck and moves her body against mine, along with the music. We are surrounded by strangers; strangers that didn’t give two shits about what we were doing. I think Lisa knew they didn’t care before I figured it out. The band was in full swing, and Lisa was all over me. Her hands were clawing at my back while we made out in the middle of the crowd. This is sexy, she wanted me right here and now. Lisa put one of my hands on her ass and I couldn’t help but grab a handful. This is thrilling. I don’t know what I’ll do if we get caught. Lisa unzips my jeans and slides her hand inside my jeans and briefs and grasps me firmly. I don’t know what to do with what is going on but I cannot stop myself. I bite Lisa’s neck and slide my hand under her skirt, only to find out that she is not wearing anything underneath that skirt. She grasps my penis harder while she pulls and slides her hand up and down the length of me. I can’t help myself, pre cum drips from me again. She is making me absolutely crazy. I glance around at all the strangers that are surrounding us. Still no one is the wiser, everyone is immersed in the band and the music; so I slide my fingers into Lisa. She tips her ass up to meet my fingers better. I can feel her clenching around my fingers. I am sliding my fingers in and out of her with the same tempo that she is pulling on me. I’m going to lose it right here and now. Then Lisa orgasms; that’s what tips me over the edge. I cum in her hand, right here in public, with my fingers inside of her and her mouth on mine. I lost it and it was so riveting. Lisa and I made out for several songs afterwards. I was amazed at how thrilling being with her is for me. I couldn’t get enough of this woman.

    After the concert died down, Lisa drove me back to my house. I kissed her deeply before stepping out of her car. Now, as I strip out of my clothes, I smile, seeing the mess that I had made inside my briefs and also my jeans. I can’t believe what just happened. I text Lisa that I had a great time and I hope she did as well. As I showered, I reminisced about mine and Lisa’s very private, public sex-capade. I went to bed with a smile on my face.

Mommy Doesn't Write For You

    Along with being an author, I am many other things. One of the most important other jobs I have is being a mom. I have five beautiful kids, two Great Danes, and a handful of chickens and ducks. It brings me great joy to be a mom (chef, maid, chauffeur, nurse, therapist, etc.). I have put my writing on the back burner for the majority of my adult life. Not because of my kids, I was taught that my needs weren't important WAY before they were thought of. Over the last couple of years, my *little* family has encouraged me so very much to start writing again and to make it a priority in my life. My kids went out of their way to make sure they brought me snacks and coffee and their dad kept them entertained and fed throughout all of this. I was able to spend my time actually making my writing a priority. I was able to plan, write, edit, and rewrite an entire novel. AN ENTIRE 85,000 WORD NOVEL! Go me!

    A little while later, when I found an editor, he reviewed a few pages and encouraged me even further. He was AMAZING. He liked what he read, he helped me, he gave me confidence; he totally did a bad ass job! I can't even pretend that I didn't have a panic attack when we first talked on the phone. I had never done this before! What was I supposed to say/do? Especially when you consider that this guy has been an editor for almost 30 years. I may or may not have also panicked when he finished it. It was finished and ready to be sent out. I was now the owner of an edited book. It was scary; SUPER scary. It was ready to be judged by agents and publishing houses to see if it was good enough to be printed.

    Right around that time was when it started to dawn on me that I could be considered an author. No, I wasn't a published author (YET!) but I was an author. This was when my family started calling me an author as well. My seven year old told everyone she could, "My mom's an author!" To which I would try to morph into the floorboards with embarrassment. I went back and forth with my feelings. One day I would feel accomplished, the next I would feel like I was faking it. What makes a writer an author? A certain feeling? A certain amount written? Having an editor? Being published? I have no idea, but my kids didn't care about any of that. They knew I had finished a book and they didn't care if it was only printed out on computer paper and sitting in the corner of my desk. My kids considered me an author; end of discussion.

    My seven year old decided one day recently that she wanted to see my book bound and printed like all the other books in the world. She would skip around the house and say, "I can't wait to read your book! I'm gonna read the whole thing. I bet it's amazing!" Be still my heart. It made me feel so much appreciation and joy. I just wanted to squeeze her little face off. How do I tell her that it's not a kids book? It's a romance with some bad parts and some sex. It's definitely not age appropriate, my little child. So sure, I'll let you take a picture with it when I get the first print, and then I'm gonna be hiding it!

    I still have yet to explain to any of my children that their oldest sister (who is married and about to have her own daughter) is the only one of my children that I will be allowing to read my book right now. I don't want to break my seven year old's little heart or ruin her fondness of having a mom that is an author. Is that selfish of me? Maybe. I'm not in a hurry to give her a reason to stop skipping around the house singing my praises just yet. I don't know how to take that from her. I don't know how to look into her beautiful little eyes and say, "Mommy doesn't write for you. I write for adults, I write for me, I write big people books." So I guess I can probably drag this out for a little bit longer, and maybe enjoy skipping around the house with my little one. Then when I get that beautiful published copy, I'll have to tell her there's an age requirement to be one of mommy's readers but she can always be my biggest fan.

Bad Coffee Part Eight

    “I’m on my way over.” Lisa text me late Saturday afternoon. I didn’t think the concert was until much later but I didn’t mind. We hadn’t talked much since I text her about going out with Craig Thursday night; which I also didn’t mind.

    “See you soon. Be careful.” I set my phone down and went back to my room to get dressed for tonight. I’m just going to wear some jeans and a t-shirt for the concert but I wanted to get into more comfortable ones than what I was wearing currently. When Lisa knocked on my door, she knocked twice and then came in as I was walking to the door to open it for her.

    “Hey, you should probably keep your door locked, or just about any fool could come in here,” she said teasing me.

    “I can handle it,” I said walking up to her. I held her and then kissed her full lip softly. “Maybe you should be more careful of what doors you just walk into,” I teased right back. Lisa tossed her purse and keys on the couch and I instantly thought of my quick rendezvous there two days ago. Is that something that I should disclose with her? I’m not really sure how to go about that. We still hadn’t discussed that night nor had we discussed what labels our relationship or whatever this was fell under. “Do you want to get something to eat here or go somewhere before the concert?” I asked.

    “Let’s go out and grab something and then we can just head to the bar.”

    “Oh it’s at a bar?”

    “Yep. I’ll drive,” Lisa said. “Just let me go pee first.” As I waited for her to finish up in the bathroom, I piddled around the house making sure lights were off and the back door was locked. I didn’t really know what I wanted for dinner so I searched for restaurants close by.

    “What do you want to eat?” I shouted toward the bathroom.

    “I told you to pick,” Lisa said as she walked into the kitchen where I was leaned up against the counter.

    “Yeah, I understand that, but I meant, what kind of food do you want?”

    “I don’t care,” Lisa answered. I scrolled down through the options and picked a place not too far from my house that served what looked like just about anything you could think of.

    “Okay. I got one. Ready?” I asked and Lisa nodded. This was the first time that I had let Lisa drive since we started seeing each other. I gave her the address of the restaurant that we were going to and she put it into her phone; the car called out directions for her as she drove. I wouldn’t say that I felt unsafe, but she really did drive a little crazy for my liking. I didn’t feel like I was in danger but it made me a tad nervous. When we arrived, I was glad of it.

    “So how was your guy’s night with Craig the other night?” Lisa asked after we had been served our sodas.

    “It was fun. We just went out to dinner and then went out to a bar. Craig always tries to ‘close the bar’ but I ended up coaxing him into leaving at a decent time.”

    “He sounds like fun,” Lisa interjected.

    “He is. He’s been my best friend for almost as long as I can remember.”

    “That’s good. Did you guys take any women home?” Lisa asked and I about choked on my food which only made her giggle. “I assumed,” she said, laughing. “Relax, Elijah, we haven’t talked about us being an actual couple or anything.”

    “Yes we did,” I said, a little nervous.

    “We? Huh.” Lisa teased, pretending to ponder the idea of me and Craig sharing a woman that we picked up from the bar.

    “Not we like that,” I corrected her. “We like we each took home a girl.”

    “Oh, sounds like fun. Tell me all about her,” Lisa said leaning forward. I can’t believe this, she knew I took someone home with me that wasn’t her and she actually wants to hear all about it?

    “Are you serious right now?” I asked, a little terrified.

    “Yeah!” Lisa exclaimed. “Would you relax already?”

    “Okay,” I said and took a deep breath. “Her name was Cat, or that’s what she called herself anyway.” Lisa was nodding along. Do I tell her this story gently? Or am I supposed to tell the woman that I am regularly sleeping with about the girl I fucked on my couch like I would tell one of my guy friends? “She came home with me and…”

    “No, no. You gotta describe her first,” Lisa interjected. I took another deep breath and tried again.

    “She was this short, petite, blonde girl that was entirely confident and all over me.”

    “Nice. Confidence is so sexy,” Lisa says in between bites of her French fries.

    “Agreed.” I was starting to relax into talking about Thursday night with Lisa. “So I ordered us a ride and she said she wanted to come to my house instead of going to her house because of her roommate.”

    “That could have been fun,” Lisa adds shrugging her shoulders, her response startling me yet again.

    “Yeah,” I agree a little timidly. “I got us some waters and then she was just on top of me on the couch.”

    “That’s hot,” Lisa says. “I wish I could have seen it. It doesn’t sound as good as us though.” There it is, I’m about to get told off even though she is the one that prodded me to tell her this little tale.

    “It was not as hot as you and I at your place,” I agree, quietly, waiting for the argument to start. But I couldn’t disagree, it was hot but not as hot or as needy as Lisa and I had been that first time. I don’t know that anything could be. Instead of Lisa turning into the typical girlfriend, she actually started staring devilishly at me; almost like she was turned on. Was that what was happening right now?

    “Want to hear about my girl’s night?” she asked.

    “Oh you went out too?”

    “Yep. I figured I could have used a girl’s night too. So I texted my friend Renee and we went out to a bar that night too.”

    “Did you have a good time?”

    “Oh,” Lisa looks up from her food and starts directly into my eyes from across the table. “My night was so much hotter than yours,” she says with a coy smile spread across her mouth.

    “Was it now?” I ask, fully intrigued now. Was she playing with me?

    “Definitely,” Lisa said matter-of-factly and then chomped down on her burger while I sat there staring at her, waiting for more of the story. “What?” Lisa asked around her bite of burger. I laughed.

    “Is that really all you are going to divulge to me after you prodded a description of my night out of me?”

    “Oh!” Lisa said with mock surprise. “I’m sorry.” I knew she wasn’t. She was chuckling to herself while she finished chewing.

    “No you aren’t,” I countered; which only made her chuckle more.

    “Fine,” she laughed. “I picked up my own little blonde too.” I felt my eyes widen and just to torment me further she took another bite of her burger and chewed slowly; making me wait again.

    “And?” I asked, dragging the syllable out. My food was still sitting on the plate in front of me, I hadn’t bothered taking another bite because of how this conversation was going. Lisa chuckled again. “You are enjoying this aren’t you?”

    “Definitely.”

    “Fine,” I said with a laugh in my voice. I am trying to act like I don’t care about the rest of the story, but I know she can see it on my face that I do. I pick up my own burger and take a big bite. I’m trying to eat nonchalantly but I keep looking up at her eyes and they are twinkling with all the enjoyment that she is getting out of this while she makes me wait.

    Dinner was satisfactory; nothing to write home about. Lisa refused to finish her story and was quiet the entire ride to the bar for the concert. When we pulled into the parking lot, it already looked packed; a good turnout for a local band preforming at some bar. Lisa and I went inside and ordered drinks from the bar. There wasn’t a band playing as of yet, but there was good music screaming out of the jukebox on the far wall. We made a round around the place and then settled against a back wall kind of away from most of the people; with the drinks in hand. Lisa leaned into me, touching her lips to my ear and nipped it, making me shudder.

Spring, I'm Tired of Waiting

    Are you sick of this snow and cold crap yet!? Me too! I'm so tired of being cold! I do not make my own body heat and I can't handle always being cold! I'm wanna kick that gopher thing too for seeing his shadow this year! This is all his fault!! 

    I absolutely love being outside. I always have. My favorite writing spot changes a lot (usually depending on the weather) but when it's nice outside, that's where you'll find me. I have a ton of space in my back yard and huge flower beds around my house. If the sun is shining down and making everything warm and pretty, when you step outside of my house, all you can smell is the different flowers in bloom. It's a wonderful thing. Sometimes I just lay out a blanket and lay in the yard, under a tree and write for hours. It's amazingly relaxing and super helpful for all the creative juices! We won't talk about the one time I fell asleep and woke up a total lobster! 

    This last year, we got a hammock on a base (instead of hanging between trees) and I basically lived in that thing all summer. I was able to work on my book for hours at a time; writing, creating, scratching things out, and writing some more. It was a beautiful thing until my 150lb Great Dane, Apollo, tried to join me on the hammock. I'm sure it looked exactly like you're imagining it did. That dog is a mommy's boy all the way and no one bothered explaining to him that he is indeed not a small, lap dog, We both went toppling on the ground under the hammock and he just laid down next to me like that was what he was trying to do all along. 

Here he is taking up half of my king-sized bed but still believing he is tiny!! 

    Currently, while all this snow and disgusting wind keeps happening, inspiration has to strike from my limited work space in my room. I have a small desk in here to work from and that's fine but again, I don't make my own body heat. So most of the time, I'm in my bed, propped up by a pillow with three blankets on top of me. Just writing away in my cozy little spot. Lately, I've been lighting a candle or putting on some music in the background to break up some of the monotony of being in one room instead of being amongst the flowers where I would really like to be. Until the flowers come back, I guess I'll just stare out the window longingly, just waiting on Spring to arrive so I can be back outside. 

Leave a comment about your favorite writing/creative space!! 

Bad Coffee Part Seven

    Lisa didn’t spend the night. She got an Uber and went home after our fiasco against the front door. I rolled over in bed, stretching in the warm sunlight streaking in through the window. I had a decent sized bed, but here I was laying across the entire thing. Stretched out this way, I took up the entirety of it. I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to leave the warmth of my bed; but the coffee pot was calling to me. I grunted like an old man as I got up out of bed; I made it, and threw on some shorts before checking my phone. There was already a text from Lisa waiting for me.

    “I’ve got two tickets to a concert this weekend. Interested?”

    “Who is playing?”

    “Just some local band. I thought it might be fun to go together.”

    “Sounds like a plan to me.”

    “Maybe I’ll skip work today and just have a day for me,” I announced to my coffee maker. Of course there was no reply. I didn’t need to work today, but I probably should anyway. I took a big swallow of my coffee and headed for the shower. I couldn’t remove the smile from my face but I didn’t really want to either. I was content. No, I was happy. This was happy. I started my playlist on my phone and connected it to the sound system that I had linked up throughout my house; volume on full blast. The shower was so hot it steamed up the entire bathroom as I undressed. I swiped my hand across the mirror trying to see if I needed to shave first and decided I could handle another day of bristle on my face before I had to shave it. I stepped into the shower and sang to myself as I soaped up.

    I couldn’t help the arousal that I was feeling just thinking about my night with Lisa. I spent longer ‘washing’ than necessary and was pleasantly surprised when I was once again rock hard and ready for more time with Lisa. I squeezed and pulled, bringing myself right to the edge, only to stop right before my own release. I was enjoying making myself crazy in the shower with images of Lisa and I together running through my head. I brought myself to the brink several more times before deciding that I should probably stop torturing myself; before I couldn’t stop at all. I got out of the shower, needing Lisa, and grabbed my phone. I sent her three different pictures. Not a dick pick, but suggestive pictures, trying to see if I could drive her just as wild as I was just from the thought of her. I set my phone back down, toweled dry and got dressed for work.

 

    “Hey E!” Craig said when I answered my phone. Craig has been my best friend for almost my entire life. I can’t do anything without him. Or rather, maybe he couldn’t do anything without me. We were pretty much inseparable even though we were well into our twenties. “You got plans tonight?”

    “Hey man! No, no plans,” I answered. I instantly thought of Lisa, I knew we hadn’t planned anything until this upcoming weekend but that didn’t mean I didn’t want to see her before then. “Why? What’s up man?”

    “I wanted to see if you wanted to go have a guy’s night with me,” Craig said. Craig’s version of a guy’s night usually consisted of going to a random bar and seeing how many girl’s numbers we could go home with. I like that game alright. Women usually throw themselves at me and Craig and we get the pick of whoever we want. Not surprisingly, it never leads to anything more than a fling but I don’t think either of us are looking for more than a fling anyway.

    “Sounds like a plan. You want to meet me at home?” I ask Craig.

    “Yeah, let’s do dinner first.”

    “Okay. See ya then.” I hung up with Craig and text Lisa. “Hey, I’m gonna go out with Craig tonight.” As soon as I sent it, I regretted it. Why did I feel like I was asking her for permission? She didn’t even know him. Nor did he know about her yet. And it’s not like we had talked about being exclusive or anything. I shrugged my shoulders; I couldn’t take it back now.

    After work, Craig met me at my house, all spruced up and ready to go. I finished up with my hair and was ready to go in a few minutes. Lisa hadn’t taken my text in a bad way like I was worried about. She only sent back, “Have fun!” with some smiley emojis. I said, “Thanks,” and finished my work day so that I could get home in time to meet Craig. Now, we were both ready to go, so I ordered an Uber.

    Craig had decided it was a good night to go to a fancier restaurant. It was a Thursday night so the bar wouldn’t be packed (no matter which one we chose) so we had time to eat and relax before we got there.

    “How’s working going?” Craig asked me as the waitress brought us our drinks; both of us had ordered Disaronno with lime. I enjoyed the warmth as it slid down my throat.

    “It’s going,” I said. “Not too busy lately but that’s what happens when you hire the right people.”

    “Oh good.”

    “What about you?” I asked him.

    “Nothing new or exciting,” he said. Craig worked in IT so we had a lot of things that crossed over but he didn’t work for me. After my parents died and I inherited Kennedy Enterprises, Craig helped me with it and helped me make some of the major decisions but neither one of us wanted him to work for me. I don’t think he wanted to see his best friend as his boss nor did he want other people to think he got the job only because he was my best friend instead of earning it. And I never ever wanted to have to be the guy that reprimanded my best friend if something wasn’t going the way that I liked in my own company. That’s just messy and not worth the risk to me. So we grew up together, learned basically the same things, and then went to college for computer sciences together. I was handed a huge company with a board of trustees to go with it and Craig started his career that he had worked his ass off for.

    “Nothing new means nothing bad,” I said raising my glass to Craig from across the table. We bullshit for a bit about work and projects and girls. We ordered our food and another round of Disaronno. Craig paid for dinner and wouldn’t hear of anything other than that. He wasn’t hurting for money or anything but we both knew that I made a huge amount more than he did; the gesture was always a good thing though. Craig never expected me to pay for everything just because I made more money than he did.

    We had a great night at the bar the rest of the night. Of course, women threw themselves at us. I bought way too many drinks for us and for the women. I couldn’t tell if some of the woman were after Craig and I because of our looks or our money. I’m not ever going to pretend that we can’t have any woman that we want; we are damn good looking guys. Of course money talks too.

    When we had had our fill of the bar lights and loud music, we ordered Uber rides home and each of us had a woman accompany us as well. Craig text me when he got home and told me to enjoy my night; I said the same and that I would talk to him in the morning. The woman that I brought home was a slinky little blonde called Cat. She followed me into my living room and asked to use my bathroom. I showed her where it was and got us some waters. She was tipsy, but not so drunk that she couldn’t make her own decisions. I, however, didn’t want to add anymore alcohol to the situation.

    When she joined me on the couch, she thanked me for the water, took a sip and then set the glass down on the coffee table. There wasn’t any talking necessary after that. Cat climbed on top of me without any preamble; I was most certainly ready for her. Our session on my couch lasted about fifteen hot, steamy minutes. Then she ordered her own Uber and left. Cat was quick, fun. I locked up my house, shut off the lights and headed to bed.

    The next morning, I text Craig asking him how his evening went. I caught up on some housework, did some laundry and watched some TV for the majority of the day. The concert isn’t until tomorrow night and I was looking forward to enjoying that with Lisa. I hadn’t been to many concerts growing up but I always did enjoy the ones that I had been able to go to. Craig text me back at some point in the day saying that he had had a good evening and had slept over. I laughed to myself, knowing that he has stayed over at may girl’s houses and it was always a 50/50 chance of the girls getting clingy after that. I had told him many times that if he didn’t sleep over, it wouldn’t be so messy but his reply was that he wore himself out during sex and couldn’t stay awake long enough afterwards to leave. He never had a problem with letting the girl that got too clingy down though, so more power to him.

Sometimes, My Brain Hurts

    I have spent so many years taking one step forward and two steps back; or three or four. Just because I am an author doesn't mean my brain works all the time. Sometimes there are days that I just can't. Sometimes there are days that I can type 3000-4000 words that day and then others when I just can't make a single sentence work at all. And yes, of course, Google is my best friend. I ask Google to define words and spell words ALL THE TIME. I'm pretty sure that if the CIA is actually listening to my google mini, they are just laughing at me by now. Oh well! I guess the CIA listening crew needs some entertainment while they are sitting in that van all night.

    Yesterday was a disaster. Some awful things (that I'm not ready to talk about yet) happened and it totally wrecked my entire day. I woke up yesterday thinking, "Yes! It's going to be productive and I'm gonna write and it's gonna be awesome!" I channeled my inner Stephen King fangirl (I am OBSESSED) and sat down to write a masterpiece on purpose and then life happened. Life bit me right in the ass yesterday. Don't those days suck!?!

    They happen to the best of us, unfortunately. I don't know, maybe Stephen King doesn't have those days. I read once that he said,

"If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others; read a lot and write a lot. There's no way around these two things that I'm aware of, no shortcut."

    Alright, Mr. King!! Got it!! So I was ready; but life had other plans. I spent most of yesterday in a legitimate panic attack and could not get myself to calm down. That meant no writing, no blogging, no creating. That meant laying in bed trying to will my body to calm the eff down and it did not listen. It did not listen at all. Then I spent most of my evening feeling like a failure. I'm supposed to be creating my dreams, right here at my fingertips and I couldn't even accomplish that. It created a trickle-down effect of self doubt and I noticed that I started doubting my self worth and my ability to write. Not good.

    I want you all to know that on those days when life bites you in the ass, it's okay for the only thing that you accomplish that day to be breathing. It's okay that you are not okay. It's okay if you finally win the struggle to get up out of bed and go shower, only to go back to bed afterwards. IT'S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY.

    I could have used that reminder yesterday. It's one of the hardest things that I deal with, my self doubt. I don't know how to overcome it on some days. Especially when those days bite me right in the ass unexpectedly. Today is better. Today is a new day. I got up early and had some self reflection on what happened and accepted it for what it was. I had way too much coffee. And then later, I had a nap, just for me. Today I reflected, accepted, and took care of me. After that, I wrote. I wrote hundreds of words for the second book in the series I am trying to get published and then I sat down and worked on this blog. We all have those days, but we have to remind ourselves that it is important to take care of ourselves too.

    I hope the next time life bites you in the ass, you remember this blog. I hope you remember that someone took the time to write about how they weren't okay and that they overcame it; so you can too. I hope you remember that it is okay not to be okay. I hope you remember that you are important and you should be taking care of yourself. Keep reaching for your dreams! Keep reading! Keep creating! Keep making yourself important!