Awesome Interview with Bailey Gee!

Welcome! 

Bailey Gee, a wonderful author and mental health advocate, took the time to sit down with me and answer some questions I had about her Amazon bestseller: The Many Personalities of Me and her new book, Not Another Poetry Book, Just Kidding. I am so pleased to have her as a friend and I am proud to share this interview with you all. 

What made you want to write Not Another Poetry Book, Just Kidding?

    I wanted to write this book for a few reasons. I had so many poems that I've collected over the years, and I had always wanted to put them into a book. My number one intention was always to help people. Whether it helps someone feel understood, or helps someone in any other way. I just want people who experience mental health challenges to know, its okay, and it will be okay. Those who don’t have mental health challenges, hopefully it gives them a look into my mind, or nonetheless the mind of a person with depression. Maybe people will be a lot kinder.

How long did it take to finish this book?

    Not long at all actually. I had the poems already written from back in my teen years, so I collected them for years with the intention of starting a book. It took me a few months from start to finish, to put the poems in order, formatting etc. Not to mention I wrote the entire book on my cellphone, because I didn’t have a computer at the time.

Do you think that this book helped with your depression?

    I look back sometimes and read the book, and I think, “Wow, I really felt that?" I think the book has given me some sense of calm and closure. I've finally been able to express everything that I've ever wanted to.

Did having depression make writing this book difficult?

    Well, actually depression made it quite easy to write the book. I mean, if I didn’t have depression, I wouldn’t have written the poetry to put into the book. Writing each individual poem, was quite different. Each poem is from a different experience and there are so many feelings attached to each one.

What would you like to accomplish with this book?

    My goal in writing this book was to make others who go through any mental illness, bullying, disability etc. feel less alone; feel like they are understood. Maybe those who are afraid to speak up about how they feel, maybe this book would help give them courage and let them know, its okay to not be okay. Emotions are human, and its okay to express them.

What would ‘a letter to my readers’ say?

    A letter to my readers: Thank you for making this possible. I hope I have made you proud. I'm here for you - Bailey

Did you share this book with your family?

    I did share my book with my family, and the idea beforehand. I'll say they weren't all that thrilled with the idea of me putting myself out there and making myself vulnerable. However, I think they’ve managed to change their minds, and now they're pretty proud of me.

What did you learn about yourself while writing this book?

    I learned so much about myself. I learned that I have grown and healed from things I never thought I would. That’s the message I want to convey.

How did you pick the title?

    Its an interesting story; how I picked the title. Obviously, readers will know that I struggle with mental illness. So I tuned into aspects of my illnesses and pictured them as different personalities fighting each other. There you have The Many Personalities of Me. My second book, Not Another Poetry Book, Just Kidding, I was just trying to be funny.

What’s your favorite part of this book?

    I think my favorite part of this book is the acknowledgements. I finally get to thank those who have played a vital role in helping to get my mental health back on track; that’s pretty awesome.

Where can readers purchase your books?

    Readers can purchase my books, The Many Personalities of Me and Not Another Poetry Book, Just Kidding,  on Amazon, Goodreads, Kobo, Barnes and Noble, Apple, Audible, and more.

Thank you so very much, Bailey! I can definitely see this book doing as well as your first one! Now let's get to some more personal questions. 

What do you do when you aren’t writing?

    Honestly, when I'm not writing, I'm promoting both of my books. I'm trying to get them into libraries, schools, and trying to get interviews. I eat, sleep, and breathe my book. I don’t stop.

Have you ever experienced writer’s block?

    I don’t believe in writer's block. When I'm stuck, I write about how I don’t know what to write about.

Can you describe your writing space?

    My writing space is my bed. I just sit on my bed with a notebook and paper, and write. Nothing fancy.

Do you listen to music or have any background noise when you write?

    No. I can't listen to music while I write, actually, because I've found that I end up writing the lyrics that I'm hearing instead of what I had intended to write.

What is your all-time favorite book?

    The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. It gets me every time.

What are you reading now?

    I am reading Before We Were Yours by Lisa Wingate. 

Do you have a favorite quote?

    "Happiness is not by chance, but by choice," ~Jim Rohn 

Can you share something that your readers wouldn’t know?

    I think the fact that I wrote the entire book from start to finish on my phone, is something that not many know.

What did you want to be when you grew up?

    When I was little I knew in my heart that I was going to be a writer.

Do you have a hero?

    My hero is a nurse named Freja; a wonderful human who I aspire to be like in every way.

Can you describe yourself in three words?

    Determined, stubborn, and kind.

How about a fun either/or section?

Tea or Coffee?

    COFFEE

Hot or Cold?

    Hot

Movie or Book?

    Book

Morning person or Night owl?

    Morning person

City or Country?

    Ouu that’s hard. I like things about both. But I'm going to say country.

Do you have any tips for aspiring authors? 

    I would tell aspiring authors that the second that you put that pen to paper, you're an author. Whether you ever get published or not, you’ve written something amazingly wonderful, and you should be proud.

And finally, do we have any other books from you to look forward to?

    Actually, I am working on my third book as we speak.

I am looking forward to that! Thank you again, Bailey. I am so glad to have had this time with you! 

Readers, I hope you enjoyed this interview. Make sure you pick up a copy of Not Another Poetry Book, Just Kidding and grab a copy of The Many Personalities of Me if you haven't already!

You Are Important

    Today, I had the pleasure of attending an open house at a boudoir studio of a good friend. I had such a wonderful time. What I noticed the most was that we talked a lot about how important it is to take care of yourself. Today, I was reminded that even though I felt alone when I struggled with my own worth, I wasn't alone at all. Today, I was reminded that a lot of us are going through our lives, realizing that we need to take better care of ourselves. It was so empowering! We have to fight for ourselves!

    I think sometimes we lose ourselves because we end up putting everyone else's needs before our own. Then one day, we're burnt out and have no idea why.

    I can honestly say that for many, many years, I always put myself dead last. I put everyone I loved before me and by the end of the day, I had nothing left for me. For most of my life, I didn't take care of me at all. I didn't fight for me, and when I did, I got labeled as selfish.

    When I woke up and realized I needed more from me, I needed to help myself, I needed to fight for everything I deserved, it was SO DIFFICULT!! For the first year of deciding that I deserved more, I was just faking it. I faked a smile, and I hid the guilt. I'm not a selfish person, but now I was trying to be selfish for me. I'm not saying I stopped taking care of my family, but I made me a priority too. I cannot tell you how much I struggled during that time. I had to keep reminding myself that I deserved it.

    What's so amazing about this is, I look healthier. After I fought for me, I look happier; I'm not faking it anymore. You can come out on the other side of this being a better you. For me, that meant taking time to finish my novel (it's getting published soon) and starting a blog that has stories on it and also posts about my struggles through this.

    I will always be the woman that helps elevate you. I will always be the woman that sees you struggling and fighting for you, and hugs you. I will hold your hand and help you be strong. I will be the voice in your head that reminds you that you deserve more. I mean it, you deserve more and you deserve to be a priority. If you need help or support, or you need to reach out so you don't feel so alone, please do!

    I have a lot of ways that I can be reached. But please remember that you are important and you always deserve to be a priority.

To Be Seen or Not To Be Seen

    When you grow up thinking you are less than anyone and everyone around you, it makes you think less of yourself by default. I spent over three decades "knowing" that I was less than literally everyone that would ever come into my life. I was taught to be smaller, change for others, do for everyone before me. It's not a pleasant life.

    I'm not sure if not knowing that and finding out later is better than knowing that was wrong the whole time. Maybe ignorance really is bliss? Either way, I found out. And I'm angry! I'm angry at the people in my life that were supposed to love me but couldn't do so unless it benefitted them. I'm angry at the people that helped make the "love" seem okay. I'm angry at me for just letting it happen.

    One of the hardest things about this journey that I'm now on is that I don't have an 'old me' to go back to. It's not like I used to be strong and then I was weakened. I was always their doormat. I was always less. So now I have to reinvent myself entirely. I have to recreate the whole of me into something that I never was but always should have been. How? Where do I begin? Most of the time, this journey, this choosing me, it makes me feel like an imposter. I feel like I'm faking being the strong one and at any minute, I'm going to get found out. I'm going to get knocked down off the ladder I'm trying to scramble up and land back down on the ground as the doormat I have always been.

    During my younger years, I figured out one of many survival tactics was to just remain unseen. If I made myself invisible, less damage would ensue. I made myself smaller and quieter. I made myself into nothing. I didn't strive for things, I didn't chase my dreams, I survived and did so quietly. One of my biggest regrets that came out of living like that for so long is letting go of my dream to become an author. You can read more about that here. I could have been an author years ago. I could have had a couple of books under me by now.

    It's been almost a year and a half since I 'woke up' and realized I needed to demand more for myself. I needed to be stronger and more selfish. I needed to put my health, mental and physical, up at the top of the priorities list instead of dead last. I did that. I'm still doing it. It's hard, but you know what?!? I am achieving my goal.

ON APRIL 5TH, I OFFICIALLY BECAME A SIGNED AUTHOR!!!

    Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, haters!!!! I got a badass, three-year contract with a wonderful publisher! I will be published within six months. That long-ass manuscript that I was ready to give up on?? It's being published! I have my own author website on my publisher's website. I'm up there for anyone and everyone to see. It even says 'author' under my name! Check it out!!

    I'm still in shock about the whole ordeal and I think that is part of the residual garbage that I grew up with. Over the last year and a half, I have had the pleasure of people telling me that those awful family members have said things like, "I wish I just didn't have to see her name pop up on social media" and "Stop forcing me to see her face online." It hurt me at the time and I have blocked them since but you know what's fun? Pretty soon, my name will be plastered all over the internet, on books, on amazon and in bookstores and they can't do anything about it. They won't be able to get away from it. I get a lot of satisfaction thinking that one day they will be walking into a bookstore and possibly see my name on a book and that it will throw them for a loop. Is that awful of me? Maybe, but I can't feel bad about my own success. I rid myself of the hate. I rose above what they told me I could be. I accomplished some serious hard shit without them; in spite of what they said or did. And part of me hopes it hurts when they look at my smiling face on the inside flap of a beautiful hardback book written solely by me, cuz now, I want to be seen!

Querying is NOT Awesome

    So you've written a book and you can't believe you actually did it. Hell yes!!! You finished a book!! Go you!!

    Now what??

    Editing. Cool. You send off your manuscript and pray to ALL the gods that they don't eff up all your awesomeness. You sit on your hands, hoping they don't return your work with nothing but red streaks through the entire thing. Is your editor going to be as harsh as that asshole English teacher you had back in high school? What happens if your editor just sends you an email saying, "I can't help you, this sucks way too much." I know that these thoughts were some of the many thoughts that crossed my mind after I sent off my own manuscript. It won't happen, I promise. Your editor is on your side!

    After WEEKS of waiting (not so patiently) you've finally got an edited, ready to be sent out to different strangers, book. Are you ready for judgement?? Me either. I have almost zero self esteem. I always worry about what everyone else thinks of me. Why in the hell would I purposely send out something that I created, to strangers, so that they could judge me?? That sounds like a TERRIBLE idea. Here's how that monologue went through my head:

    "Um, here, stranger. I have this massive typed story that I made up all by myself and um it's probably terrible. It is terrible. I don't even know what I'm doing. Sell you the idea? Okay, there's this guy and he's um a great guy but also an idiot. And there's this girl and she's cool, oh but she's like me. I'm not cool, so maybe she's not? Never mind. You're right, this is a terrible idea and no one will EVER like this story. Can you read it, judge it, without hurting me? No? Okay then, maybe I'll just keep it to myself. I wouldn't want to read it either. Why am I doing this? I can't do this. But I want it so much! I'll do it. I'm just gonna do it.......Crap. I shouldn't have hit send."

    Welcome to the fun of querying!! Isn't it exciting!?! No! It's not. It sucks!!! The entire point that I am trying to make here is this:

YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT HATES QUERYING AND IT MAJOR SUCKS FOR US ALL!!!

    No matter what stage you are at, or how many times you've gone through this stage, it still sucks! You have a goal in mind, whether that be just getting your story out, just publishing, just wanting to help people, whatever the reason, querying still sucks! And it takes FOREVER!!! Not only are there guidelines that you have to follow, (they change per agent/publishing house) you have to sell your stuff to them. You have to be able to be confident in your manuscript. Confident enough to make it sound like something they need/want to work with. If you can't, you gotta fake it. If I figure out how to do that confidently, I'll let you know!

    It will be three years this July since I first put that opening sentence for my debut novel onto a piece of paper; in the middle of the night no less. Two years of that was writing, and four months was editing, but I'm still waiting on something other than a rejection. Why is this taking so long?? Doesn't anyone understand that this is important to me???

    So far what I've learned is that if I keep up a total amount of queries out there in the universe, it keeps me from hating it too much when I do get a rejection. To explain better, my number is 20. I have 20 queries out there to 20 different people at a time. If I get a rejection (or five) on Monday, Monday night, I'm sending out more queries to different people to get back up to that amount of 20. It keeps me out there, trying; ahead of the game. Some of those queries take WEEKS to come back with an answer. It's NERVE WRACKING! Waiting and wondering who is going to respond, when, and what they are going to say? Let me say it again. Doesn't ANYONE understand that this is important to me???

    One of the best parts of all of this hard stuff is that 99% of the rejections are nice. That other 1% wasn't not nice, just kind of short. I keep hearing over and over again, "It's subjective, keep trying". So I am, and you should too! It sucks, and it's hard, and it takes WAY too long. I think we'll make it!

    Try to remember that you are not alone! Get on Twitter and join the #writingcommunity. They are amazing! The group is full of authors in so very many different genres, and different stages of their writing careers. The entire group is super supportive! Reach out! That includes to me! I'm here for you and we can definitely work through this together!

    Cheers to making it, one day! Hopefully sooner rather than later! Don't forget you are a badass and you'll make it! Don't stop fighting for your goals!!

Mommy Doesn't Write For You

    Along with being an author, I am many other things. One of the most important other jobs I have is being a mom. I have five beautiful kids, two Great Danes, and a handful of chickens and ducks. It brings me great joy to be a mom (chef, maid, chauffeur, nurse, therapist, etc.). I have put my writing on the back burner for the majority of my adult life. Not because of my kids, I was taught that my needs weren't important WAY before they were thought of. Over the last couple of years, my *little* family has encouraged me so very much to start writing again and to make it a priority in my life. My kids went out of their way to make sure they brought me snacks and coffee and their dad kept them entertained and fed throughout all of this. I was able to spend my time actually making my writing a priority. I was able to plan, write, edit, and rewrite an entire novel. AN ENTIRE 85,000 WORD NOVEL! Go me!

    A little while later, when I found an editor, he reviewed a few pages and encouraged me even further. He was AMAZING. He liked what he read, he helped me, he gave me confidence; he totally did a bad ass job! I can't even pretend that I didn't have a panic attack when we first talked on the phone. I had never done this before! What was I supposed to say/do? Especially when you consider that this guy has been an editor for almost 30 years. I may or may not have also panicked when he finished it. It was finished and ready to be sent out. I was now the owner of an edited book. It was scary; SUPER scary. It was ready to be judged by agents and publishing houses to see if it was good enough to be printed.

    Right around that time was when it started to dawn on me that I could be considered an author. No, I wasn't a published author (YET!) but I was an author. This was when my family started calling me an author as well. My seven year old told everyone she could, "My mom's an author!" To which I would try to morph into the floorboards with embarrassment. I went back and forth with my feelings. One day I would feel accomplished, the next I would feel like I was faking it. What makes a writer an author? A certain feeling? A certain amount written? Having an editor? Being published? I have no idea, but my kids didn't care about any of that. They knew I had finished a book and they didn't care if it was only printed out on computer paper and sitting in the corner of my desk. My kids considered me an author; end of discussion.

    My seven year old decided one day recently that she wanted to see my book bound and printed like all the other books in the world. She would skip around the house and say, "I can't wait to read your book! I'm gonna read the whole thing. I bet it's amazing!" Be still my heart. It made me feel so much appreciation and joy. I just wanted to squeeze her little face off. How do I tell her that it's not a kids book? It's a romance with some bad parts and some sex. It's definitely not age appropriate, my little child. So sure, I'll let you take a picture with it when I get the first print, and then I'm gonna be hiding it!

    I still have yet to explain to any of my children that their oldest sister (who is married and about to have her own daughter) is the only one of my children that I will be allowing to read my book right now. I don't want to break my seven year old's little heart or ruin her fondness of having a mom that is an author. Is that selfish of me? Maybe. I'm not in a hurry to give her a reason to stop skipping around the house singing my praises just yet. I don't know how to take that from her. I don't know how to look into her beautiful little eyes and say, "Mommy doesn't write for you. I write for adults, I write for me, I write big people books." So I guess I can probably drag this out for a little bit longer, and maybe enjoy skipping around the house with my little one. Then when I get that beautiful published copy, I'll have to tell her there's an age requirement to be one of mommy's readers but she can always be my biggest fan.

Spring, I'm Tired of Waiting

    Are you sick of this snow and cold crap yet!? Me too! I'm so tired of being cold! I do not make my own body heat and I can't handle always being cold! I'm wanna kick that gopher thing too for seeing his shadow this year! This is all his fault!! 

    I absolutely love being outside. I always have. My favorite writing spot changes a lot (usually depending on the weather) but when it's nice outside, that's where you'll find me. I have a ton of space in my back yard and huge flower beds around my house. If the sun is shining down and making everything warm and pretty, when you step outside of my house, all you can smell is the different flowers in bloom. It's a wonderful thing. Sometimes I just lay out a blanket and lay in the yard, under a tree and write for hours. It's amazingly relaxing and super helpful for all the creative juices! We won't talk about the one time I fell asleep and woke up a total lobster! 

    This last year, we got a hammock on a base (instead of hanging between trees) and I basically lived in that thing all summer. I was able to work on my book for hours at a time; writing, creating, scratching things out, and writing some more. It was a beautiful thing until my 150lb Great Dane, Apollo, tried to join me on the hammock. I'm sure it looked exactly like you're imagining it did. That dog is a mommy's boy all the way and no one bothered explaining to him that he is indeed not a small, lap dog, We both went toppling on the ground under the hammock and he just laid down next to me like that was what he was trying to do all along. 

Here he is taking up half of my king-sized bed but still believing he is tiny!! 

    Currently, while all this snow and disgusting wind keeps happening, inspiration has to strike from my limited work space in my room. I have a small desk in here to work from and that's fine but again, I don't make my own body heat. So most of the time, I'm in my bed, propped up by a pillow with three blankets on top of me. Just writing away in my cozy little spot. Lately, I've been lighting a candle or putting on some music in the background to break up some of the monotony of being in one room instead of being amongst the flowers where I would really like to be. Until the flowers come back, I guess I'll just stare out the window longingly, just waiting on Spring to arrive so I can be back outside. 

Leave a comment about your favorite writing/creative space!! 

Creating an author

    When I first started writing this book, it came to me in the middle of the night. I was fighting sleep, playing games on my phone. Let's be honest, I knew I was tired, I've read all about how being on your phone before bed doesn't help you sleep. Did I care? Nope! I was yawning so hard that tears were streaming down my cheeks. I had to blink quickly so that I could see the colors of the pieces I was swiping across my screen with my thumb. I could have put the phone down, I could have settled in my bed and closed my eyes, I could have counted sheep. Sleep wouldn't have evaded me very long, as all my yawning was showing me. Did I do any of those things? Nope! 

    I have always had a very active brain. I say brain instead of imagination because I wasn't one of those kids that had imaginary friends or played make believe all the time. Active though, yes definitely. There were always stories playing in my mind and they evolved into more complex stories as I got older. Maybe like schizophrenia? Maybe not, that's probably a bad comparison. I had that normal voice in my head, letting me know the difference between right and wrong. My Jiminy Cricket worked just fine. I had more though. I had other voices living out their lives like a movie in my mind. No they didn't tell me to do things but they entertained me. They evolved with my brain and they told me stories. They fluffed up my running life story with their own additives and their own endings. I didn't know that more than that one voice was not the normal for everyone. Didn't everyone enjoy the many scripts running inside their minds? 

    When I was a teenager, I tried to put their stories on paper. I wanted to be able to record their stories for myself and to share. During my teenage years was when I realized I wanted to be an author. I wanted to have the ability to take my various stories and share them with other. I wanted to have the ability to make my words a universe for others to enjoy. I wanted to give other people the escape of getting caught up in a book so much that they forgot their own problems. Books had always done that for me. George R. R. Martin said, "A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies. A man who never reads lives only one." I fully believe that. I wanted to give that to people.

    No one, absolutely no one, starts out being a perfectly amazing author. It takes work, practice, and then MORE work and MORE practice. You have to start somewhere. I started with pen and paper and not a clue where it was going to end up. I wrote three small books. Novellas filled with the stories rolling around in my mind. I didn't stop, I just put pen to paper and let it happen. I still love using pen and paper. It's not for everyone but the physical act of my hand movements while using a pen on paper is therapeutic for me. I don't remember how many pens I went through but I remember writing so much that I ran out of ink a couple of times. I wrote down everything. I didn't edit it, I didn't reread and change things, I just wrote. 

    One of my first critiques came from those novellas. I was stupidly naïve about letting my work be read by family, when I would have been better off giving them to strangers. My family was harsh and discouraging, effectively making me doubt my ability to ever accomplish my dreams. I don't know how many of you have ever experienced that or how many beautifully successful authors went through that and came out on top but it was awful. It was debilitating. I threw out the novellas and didn't create another for almost a decade. That's not to say I didn't write. I wrote down everything from my every day experiences to my new goals and new dreams. I gave up on being an author and just journaled my life away. 

    Let's skip a few years and get to the cell phone era. Aren't cell phones amazing?? They give you unprecedented access to literally everything and those games...yes please! Those games helped me escape so many things but they never succeeded in helping me escape all those voices in my mind. Those characters that ran their own life stories as movies made just for me. The characters got more advanced, louder, and more needy. They got harder to ignore as I got older. They seemed to directly talk at me instead of just running their own stories behind the scenes. They offered little tidbits here and there, showing me different versions of how life could have played out. Until one very early morning two and a half years ago, they screamed at me. I was swiping away on my phone screen (getting in all those necessary thumb exercises) and an opening line screamed inside of my mind. I was yawning, refusing to give into sleep and the voices screamed; just one line. 

There ought to be a law against stealing someone's bright and shimmering soul and chopping away at it until it fits into your tiny little box. 

    I wrote it down on a journal that I had sitting next to my bed and I just stared at it. I stared at it through bleary, tired eyes. I must have reread it a hundred times. It didn't change, the words just stayed there, almost mocking me. I closed the journal and set it back down on my nightstand. As I laid my head on the pillow and stared up at the ceiling, I noticed the characters in my head were quieter. They were just the tiniest bit more quiet than they had been in a long time.