Bullet Journaling for Dummies

    I have always written down notes, lists, and short stories; sometimes that included writing down dreams too. Over the years, I have went through tons of journals. Most of the time, I wear them out before they are even filled. I have found that over the years, it has helped to put whatever is going on inside my head, down on paper. One of the downfalls of that (for me at least) is I usually end up with three or four journals/notebooks going on at a time. My journals were becoming just as scrambled and disorganized as my brain was. I felt like I couldn't go without at least two of my journals being on my person. What if I some idea or thought came up while I didn't have them? I wouldn't remember what I needed to write down until I got back home. So, I ended up carrying my purse, and whatever else I had, with me. My notebooks usually ended up in my arms like carrying textbooks in school. Those of you that don't know me, I have five children. I don't have enough hands for that kind of nonsense. 

    About two years ago, I started seeing bullet journaling become more and more popular. I didn't know anyone that had personally done this type of journaling but it was very intriguing to me. Bullet journaling as a name isn't really helpful as a title, it's not an outline format wherein you add bullet points under. But I didn't know for sure.  For the next several months, I continued to search the internet for some better type of explanation. I really needed to know what it entailed and how to participate in the growing trend. 

    During that research period, I had brought up my confusion about having a bullet journal to m boyfriend. To my surprise, he had one of his own in the past. "Well why didn't you say so?" says I. We had a good laugh about it and then he explained the simplicity of it all. He explained that it was a free reign type of journaling; no structure needed. That sounded crazy and messy to me but I jumped in with both feet. I started my own bullet journal last year and never looked back. 

    When I started, I thought I needed the structure. I am indeed a control freak (I go to the meetings! 😂). I was legitimately scared of just running with the idea of no structure. I googled so many different bullet journal ideas and what other people had used in their own journals. I had so much information that it had the opposite effect; making me panic more. I ended up structuring each and every page in two days. That's all fine and dandy, if that's what works for you! I felt better knowing what I needed to do on each page. I missed the point of having a bullet journal and it hurt me in the end. (pictures to be added soon)

    I had a couple of empty pages in between the structured, calendar pages. I thought that the structure would keep me on point and remind me to keep up with it everyday. Using it like that though, only hurt me in the end. Some of the weeks, I needed more space to journal or more pages to get my thoughts out of my head. Other weeks, I had wasted space because I didn't have as many things to journal about. The overall about my first bullet journal wasn't necessarily bad, but it wasn't helpful for me. Now that I have started my second one, I am able to look back and see my first one as a stepping stone. It wasn't as structured as a calendar, but it was way too structured to be a benefit to me. It was my stepping stone between completely structured and completely free form. 

Awesome Interview with Bailey Gee!

Welcome! 

Bailey Gee, a wonderful author and mental health advocate, took the time to sit down with me and answer some questions I had about her Amazon bestseller: The Many Personalities of Me and her new book, Not Another Poetry Book, Just Kidding. I am so pleased to have her as a friend and I am proud to share this interview with you all. 

What made you want to write Not Another Poetry Book, Just Kidding?

    I wanted to write this book for a few reasons. I had so many poems that I've collected over the years, and I had always wanted to put them into a book. My number one intention was always to help people. Whether it helps someone feel understood, or helps someone in any other way. I just want people who experience mental health challenges to know, its okay, and it will be okay. Those who don’t have mental health challenges, hopefully it gives them a look into my mind, or nonetheless the mind of a person with depression. Maybe people will be a lot kinder.

How long did it take to finish this book?

    Not long at all actually. I had the poems already written from back in my teen years, so I collected them for years with the intention of starting a book. It took me a few months from start to finish, to put the poems in order, formatting etc. Not to mention I wrote the entire book on my cellphone, because I didn’t have a computer at the time.

Do you think that this book helped with your depression?

    I look back sometimes and read the book, and I think, “Wow, I really felt that?" I think the book has given me some sense of calm and closure. I've finally been able to express everything that I've ever wanted to.

Did having depression make writing this book difficult?

    Well, actually depression made it quite easy to write the book. I mean, if I didn’t have depression, I wouldn’t have written the poetry to put into the book. Writing each individual poem, was quite different. Each poem is from a different experience and there are so many feelings attached to each one.

What would you like to accomplish with this book?

    My goal in writing this book was to make others who go through any mental illness, bullying, disability etc. feel less alone; feel like they are understood. Maybe those who are afraid to speak up about how they feel, maybe this book would help give them courage and let them know, its okay to not be okay. Emotions are human, and its okay to express them.

What would ‘a letter to my readers’ say?

    A letter to my readers: Thank you for making this possible. I hope I have made you proud. I'm here for you - Bailey

Did you share this book with your family?

    I did share my book with my family, and the idea beforehand. I'll say they weren't all that thrilled with the idea of me putting myself out there and making myself vulnerable. However, I think they’ve managed to change their minds, and now they're pretty proud of me.

What did you learn about yourself while writing this book?

    I learned so much about myself. I learned that I have grown and healed from things I never thought I would. That’s the message I want to convey.

How did you pick the title?

    Its an interesting story; how I picked the title. Obviously, readers will know that I struggle with mental illness. So I tuned into aspects of my illnesses and pictured them as different personalities fighting each other. There you have The Many Personalities of Me. My second book, Not Another Poetry Book, Just Kidding, I was just trying to be funny.

What’s your favorite part of this book?

    I think my favorite part of this book is the acknowledgements. I finally get to thank those who have played a vital role in helping to get my mental health back on track; that’s pretty awesome.

Where can readers purchase your books?

    Readers can purchase my books, The Many Personalities of Me and Not Another Poetry Book, Just Kidding,  on Amazon, Goodreads, Kobo, Barnes and Noble, Apple, Audible, and more.

Thank you so very much, Bailey! I can definitely see this book doing as well as your first one! Now let's get to some more personal questions. 

What do you do when you aren’t writing?

    Honestly, when I'm not writing, I'm promoting both of my books. I'm trying to get them into libraries, schools, and trying to get interviews. I eat, sleep, and breathe my book. I don’t stop.

Have you ever experienced writer’s block?

    I don’t believe in writer's block. When I'm stuck, I write about how I don’t know what to write about.

Can you describe your writing space?

    My writing space is my bed. I just sit on my bed with a notebook and paper, and write. Nothing fancy.

Do you listen to music or have any background noise when you write?

    No. I can't listen to music while I write, actually, because I've found that I end up writing the lyrics that I'm hearing instead of what I had intended to write.

What is your all-time favorite book?

    The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. It gets me every time.

What are you reading now?

    I am reading Before We Were Yours by Lisa Wingate. 

Do you have a favorite quote?

    "Happiness is not by chance, but by choice," ~Jim Rohn 

Can you share something that your readers wouldn’t know?

    I think the fact that I wrote the entire book from start to finish on my phone, is something that not many know.

What did you want to be when you grew up?

    When I was little I knew in my heart that I was going to be a writer.

Do you have a hero?

    My hero is a nurse named Freja; a wonderful human who I aspire to be like in every way.

Can you describe yourself in three words?

    Determined, stubborn, and kind.

How about a fun either/or section?

Tea or Coffee?

    COFFEE

Hot or Cold?

    Hot

Movie or Book?

    Book

Morning person or Night owl?

    Morning person

City or Country?

    Ouu that’s hard. I like things about both. But I'm going to say country.

Do you have any tips for aspiring authors? 

    I would tell aspiring authors that the second that you put that pen to paper, you're an author. Whether you ever get published or not, you’ve written something amazingly wonderful, and you should be proud.

And finally, do we have any other books from you to look forward to?

    Actually, I am working on my third book as we speak.

I am looking forward to that! Thank you again, Bailey. I am so glad to have had this time with you! 

Readers, I hope you enjoyed this interview. Make sure you pick up a copy of Not Another Poetry Book, Just Kidding and grab a copy of The Many Personalities of Me if you haven't already!

You Are Important

    Today, I had the pleasure of attending an open house at a boudoir studio of a good friend. I had such a wonderful time. What I noticed the most was that we talked a lot about how important it is to take care of yourself. Today, I was reminded that even though I felt alone when I struggled with my own worth, I wasn't alone at all. Today, I was reminded that a lot of us are going through our lives, realizing that we need to take better care of ourselves. It was so empowering! We have to fight for ourselves!

    I think sometimes we lose ourselves because we end up putting everyone else's needs before our own. Then one day, we're burnt out and have no idea why.

    I can honestly say that for many, many years, I always put myself dead last. I put everyone I loved before me and by the end of the day, I had nothing left for me. For most of my life, I didn't take care of me at all. I didn't fight for me, and when I did, I got labeled as selfish.

    When I woke up and realized I needed more from me, I needed to help myself, I needed to fight for everything I deserved, it was SO DIFFICULT!! For the first year of deciding that I deserved more, I was just faking it. I faked a smile, and I hid the guilt. I'm not a selfish person, but now I was trying to be selfish for me. I'm not saying I stopped taking care of my family, but I made me a priority too. I cannot tell you how much I struggled during that time. I had to keep reminding myself that I deserved it.

    What's so amazing about this is, I look healthier. After I fought for me, I look happier; I'm not faking it anymore. You can come out on the other side of this being a better you. For me, that meant taking time to finish my novel (it's getting published soon) and starting a blog that has stories on it and also posts about my struggles through this.

    I will always be the woman that helps elevate you. I will always be the woman that sees you struggling and fighting for you, and hugs you. I will hold your hand and help you be strong. I will be the voice in your head that reminds you that you deserve more. I mean it, you deserve more and you deserve to be a priority. If you need help or support, or you need to reach out so you don't feel so alone, please do!

    I have a lot of ways that I can be reached. But please remember that you are important and you always deserve to be a priority.

To Be Seen or Not To Be Seen

    When you grow up thinking you are less than anyone and everyone around you, it makes you think less of yourself by default. I spent over three decades "knowing" that I was less than literally everyone that would ever come into my life. I was taught to be smaller, change for others, do for everyone before me. It's not a pleasant life.

    I'm not sure if not knowing that and finding out later is better than knowing that was wrong the whole time. Maybe ignorance really is bliss? Either way, I found out. And I'm angry! I'm angry at the people in my life that were supposed to love me but couldn't do so unless it benefitted them. I'm angry at the people that helped make the "love" seem okay. I'm angry at me for just letting it happen.

    One of the hardest things about this journey that I'm now on is that I don't have an 'old me' to go back to. It's not like I used to be strong and then I was weakened. I was always their doormat. I was always less. So now I have to reinvent myself entirely. I have to recreate the whole of me into something that I never was but always should have been. How? Where do I begin? Most of the time, this journey, this choosing me, it makes me feel like an imposter. I feel like I'm faking being the strong one and at any minute, I'm going to get found out. I'm going to get knocked down off the ladder I'm trying to scramble up and land back down on the ground as the doormat I have always been.

    During my younger years, I figured out one of many survival tactics was to just remain unseen. If I made myself invisible, less damage would ensue. I made myself smaller and quieter. I made myself into nothing. I didn't strive for things, I didn't chase my dreams, I survived and did so quietly. One of my biggest regrets that came out of living like that for so long is letting go of my dream to become an author. You can read more about that here. I could have been an author years ago. I could have had a couple of books under me by now.

    It's been almost a year and a half since I 'woke up' and realized I needed to demand more for myself. I needed to be stronger and more selfish. I needed to put my health, mental and physical, up at the top of the priorities list instead of dead last. I did that. I'm still doing it. It's hard, but you know what?!? I am achieving my goal.

ON APRIL 5TH, I OFFICIALLY BECAME A SIGNED AUTHOR!!!

    Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, haters!!!! I got a badass, three-year contract with a wonderful publisher! I will be published within six months. That long-ass manuscript that I was ready to give up on?? It's being published! I have my own author website on my publisher's website. I'm up there for anyone and everyone to see. It even says 'author' under my name! Check it out!!

    I'm still in shock about the whole ordeal and I think that is part of the residual garbage that I grew up with. Over the last year and a half, I have had the pleasure of people telling me that those awful family members have said things like, "I wish I just didn't have to see her name pop up on social media" and "Stop forcing me to see her face online." It hurt me at the time and I have blocked them since but you know what's fun? Pretty soon, my name will be plastered all over the internet, on books, on amazon and in bookstores and they can't do anything about it. They won't be able to get away from it. I get a lot of satisfaction thinking that one day they will be walking into a bookstore and possibly see my name on a book and that it will throw them for a loop. Is that awful of me? Maybe, but I can't feel bad about my own success. I rid myself of the hate. I rose above what they told me I could be. I accomplished some serious hard shit without them; in spite of what they said or did. And part of me hopes it hurts when they look at my smiling face on the inside flap of a beautiful hardback book written solely by me, cuz now, I want to be seen!

Sometimes, My Brain Hurts

    I have spent so many years taking one step forward and two steps back; or three or four. Just because I am an author doesn't mean my brain works all the time. Sometimes there are days that I just can't. Sometimes there are days that I can type 3000-4000 words that day and then others when I just can't make a single sentence work at all. And yes, of course, Google is my best friend. I ask Google to define words and spell words ALL THE TIME. I'm pretty sure that if the CIA is actually listening to my google mini, they are just laughing at me by now. Oh well! I guess the CIA listening crew needs some entertainment while they are sitting in that van all night.

    Yesterday was a disaster. Some awful things (that I'm not ready to talk about yet) happened and it totally wrecked my entire day. I woke up yesterday thinking, "Yes! It's going to be productive and I'm gonna write and it's gonna be awesome!" I channeled my inner Stephen King fangirl (I am OBSESSED) and sat down to write a masterpiece on purpose and then life happened. Life bit me right in the ass yesterday. Don't those days suck!?!

    They happen to the best of us, unfortunately. I don't know, maybe Stephen King doesn't have those days. I read once that he said,

"If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others; read a lot and write a lot. There's no way around these two things that I'm aware of, no shortcut."

    Alright, Mr. King!! Got it!! So I was ready; but life had other plans. I spent most of yesterday in a legitimate panic attack and could not get myself to calm down. That meant no writing, no blogging, no creating. That meant laying in bed trying to will my body to calm the eff down and it did not listen. It did not listen at all. Then I spent most of my evening feeling like a failure. I'm supposed to be creating my dreams, right here at my fingertips and I couldn't even accomplish that. It created a trickle-down effect of self doubt and I noticed that I started doubting my self worth and my ability to write. Not good.

    I want you all to know that on those days when life bites you in the ass, it's okay for the only thing that you accomplish that day to be breathing. It's okay that you are not okay. It's okay if you finally win the struggle to get up out of bed and go shower, only to go back to bed afterwards. IT'S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY.

    I could have used that reminder yesterday. It's one of the hardest things that I deal with, my self doubt. I don't know how to overcome it on some days. Especially when those days bite me right in the ass unexpectedly. Today is better. Today is a new day. I got up early and had some self reflection on what happened and accepted it for what it was. I had way too much coffee. And then later, I had a nap, just for me. Today I reflected, accepted, and took care of me. After that, I wrote. I wrote hundreds of words for the second book in the series I am trying to get published and then I sat down and worked on this blog. We all have those days, but we have to remind ourselves that it is important to take care of ourselves too.

    I hope the next time life bites you in the ass, you remember this blog. I hope you remember that someone took the time to write about how they weren't okay and that they overcame it; so you can too. I hope you remember that it is okay not to be okay. I hope you remember that you are important and you should be taking care of yourself. Keep reaching for your dreams! Keep reading! Keep creating! Keep making yourself important!